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| hush hush |
| 03.15.04 (7:08 pm) [edit] |
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well, ive signed up initially in tblog to feel wat its like to have a blog.. my classmate in hs suggested to try another..so i did and ive found it to be interesting..they provide free skins and all that..so please If you have time please visit http://kuhkee.blogspot.com..
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| dare |
| 03.09.04 (7:34 pm) [edit] |
To laugh is to risk appearing a fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach for another is to risk involvement.
To expose your feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To love is to risk no being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To believe is to risk despair.
To try is to risk failure.
The people who risk nothing, do nothing, have nothing are nothing..
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| and please |
| 03.07.04 (6:48 pm) [edit] |
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and please comment on the "be very afraid" thing.. is it too much or smthn?.. thanks!
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| sight for sore eyes |
| 03.07.04 (6:16 pm) [edit] |
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i went to the mall the other day. i shopped for a "business attire". Im just preparing myself for a future interview. Usually interviewers would want interviwees to wear something corporate. anyhow, i decided to go home at 7pm. While i was about to ride the public jeepney i chanced upon 2 girls holding hands. Well, it never really bugged me. I also hold the hands of my other girl friends sometimes. What struck me was that when we were riding the jeep, they were just all over each other. Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against bi,lesbians or homo. I like hanging with gay friends of mine. They're just so full of life, so jolly and happy. and i like talking to them and you know getting their insights on things... bu the two girls they were just too much for me.. i really felt that they should have shown their affection privately. they just have overdone their PDA. I know the other passengers were squemish and curious. they kept glancing on the two. *sigh* i just looked away and never bothered looking back again til i got out of the jeep.
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| echo |
| 03.04.04 (6:43 pm) [edit] |
There’s something about the look in your eyes
Something I noticed when the light was just right
It reminded me twice that I was alive
And it reminded me that you’re so worth the fight
-------------------
i was hoping i'd be going to incubus's concert on the 12th but noooo... i wont be.. hrhrhr.. living in a "archipelago" country like ours is just a bugger..geeez..plane fares are just soaring high..demmit..
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| aftermath |
| 03.03.04 (7:55 pm) [edit] |
i ask of
nothing much
except that
you will
suffer more
than i do.
your pleasure
became
my pain.
my pain
became
your joy,
your pride.
death take away my pain.
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| nothin to say |
| 03.02.04 (7:55 am) [edit] |
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i dont knw.. i added a bg image and it seems that my page loads slower than the usual... hmmm..but i think its bearable just yet.. or maybe i jst have a slow internet connection. calling my service provider..
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| random questions...and answers |
| 03.01.04 (8:06 am) [edit] |
black or white: black
sandals or sneakers: sneakers
nick or cartoon network: nick
hbo or cinemax:hbo
star wars or star trek:star wars
last movie you've seen:on tv- lord of the rings 2; theater- the gathering (it sucked)
last tv show seen: fear factor
5 songs on the playlist: Im doing just fine- Boyz 2 men, You're my you- Nyoy Volante, My Immortal- Evanescence, Milkshake-Kelis, Stop Think-Aliya Parcs;
Fave nick character:Spongebob
Last food eaten:Combos (cheddar cheese crackers)
Currently reading: Memoirs of a geisha
pet peeve:Plain stupidity
fear:blood, snakes, heights and my future!
distinct behavior:always whining and bein a slob
forgive my ramblings. i dont really have something interesting to say!
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| closure |
| 02.29.04 (7:47 pm) [edit] |
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how do you know when things are really over between two people?.. i mean REALLY over. is it over when you see him/her with another man/woman and you dont feel squemish and you dont look away the moment your eyes meet?.. or he/she invites you for a coffee and he/she safely says that its a date with no strings attached..is it possible to say "no strings attached" to someone you spent 4 years of your life with?
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| holding hands |
| 02.28.04 (10:48 pm) [edit] |
The Power of Holding Hands
By Rabbi Harold Kushner
I was sitting on a beach one summer day, watching
two children, a boy
and a girl, playing in the sand. They were hard
at work building an
elaborate sandcastle by the water's edge, with
gates and towers and
moats and internal passages. Just when they had
nearly finished their
project, a big wave came along and knocked it
down, reducing it to a
heap of wet sand. I expected the children to
burst into tears,
devastated by what had happened to all their hard
work. But they
surprised me. Instead, they ran up the shore
away from the water,
laughing and holding hands, and sat down to build
another castle. I
realized that they had taught me an important
lesson.
All the things in our lives, all the complicated
structures we spent so
much time and energy creating, are built on sand.
Only our relationships
to other people endure. Sooner or later, the
wave will come along and
knock down what we have worked so hard to build
up. When that happens,
only the person who has somebody's hand to hold
will be able to laugh.
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| blah |
| 02.24.04 (9:03 am) [edit] |
havent written for quite awhile..i dont knw.. there hasn't been any interesting events lately.. my life is sooo boring.. god. no job.no school.no money.no nothin!..*sigh..
oh yeah, i jst went to see my grndparents.. my grama is 88 and she's suffering from scoliosis..u shud see her.i pity her. she's like the hunchback of notre dame but much worst..and her sight is blurry.she has cataract..
my grampa is 92 and he's like the hulk..he can still lift weights.. though he has lost 40% of his hearing...i want to die young.not so young though. i still want to see my grankids.. :) i think 50 would be ok. i rily dnt want to suffer from all that illness. if i die want it to be really peaceful perhaps when im asleep and dreaming..i dnt wnt any suffring.i dnt wnt 2 drown or die in a fire..eeeek.so demanding..ahahaha..
im sleepy..nways,jst holla at me if you need anythn. nyt² all..
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| ... |
| 02.18.04 (9:34 pm) [edit] |
this my childhood friend. i miss her.i havent seen her for 3 3months alredi.im looking forward spending my holy week w/her. :) ![]() =http://img21.photobucket.com/... width= 100 height=70
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| just got lucky |
| 02.18.04 (9:20 am) [edit] |
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i dont knw if you should call this a lucky day but im just elated. i havent left the house the whole day. i just stayed home and watched tv. i didnt think today would be a productive day for me. just tonight my former bf asked me to go jogging with him. i was waiting for this opportunity to go and see him and get the chance to talk to him. well, i havent really told you that we broke up because i felt it was it was too much. you know too much familiarity. it was like having the same vanilla ice cream for the last 7months we've been officially together. i was clammoring for change but he never saw the sign. so i just had to breakfree. or so i thought. after the break up. i was even more broken than him. gosh, he was the only constant thing in my lyf and i just threw it. after 5years of being frends and having constant communication i was shaken that i never had the chance to talk to him for the last three months. maybe the gods were listening to me. earlier today, i wrote a letter for him. but i didnt gave him the letter tonight.im still waiting for the right tym to give it to him.. sori i sort of sidetracked a bit. well, he went to my house to get me. it felt like old times.. *sigh* his scent..the smell of his car..it felt like putting on ur favorite shirt.. though old and ragged it just feels so comfortable..reassuring.god, im so sentimental! nway, i was just only playing it cool. u know jst chattin my fears away.. :) it felt soooo good to talk to him agen. i wanted to just hug him..u shud have seen me.i was containing my smile so i was biting my lip the whole night!..there were times i was even tongue-tied. twas soo teeny bopper.. i felt i was acting like i was 16..so cheesy! dang! *cringe*.. enough of this.i think ill sleep this one..maybe il dream of something very wonderful.. :D nytny evryone!
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| random thoughts |
| 02.17.04 (8:04 am) [edit] |
its soooo cold ryt now.. i need a hug.. :)
i downloaded a song from the band Muse called escape..well, the song was OK..
it has an alternative-ish sound to it.. i suppose i should thank soliel for that tip.. :) right now im into acoustics... i like jason mraz's sleep all day..
and norah jones has this soothing voice and her music is so stress relieving.i love her. oh and i also like black eyed peas coz one of their member is filipino.
its so rare to see successful pinoys in the international music scene.
Lucid...
im getting emotional again.. i saw my exbf (is it appropriate to call them exx?) at
the mall later this afternoon..demmit. i jst hated the feeling of feeling clammy and "hyperventilating".. how can you get over someone who you see almost evryday?..gosh, i need to relocate fast.
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| errands |
| 02.16.04 (6:47 pm) [edit] |
i dont feel like going out today..i want to sleep!..i woke up at 7am!..hrhrhr.. my mom and dad are not here..they went to some province and they would be back tomorrow..the whole house would be ours!..the downside is i have to do errands 2day.. *sigh*
i was picturing myself sleeping the whole afternoon and eating mango float, which i made (a big accomplishment considering i hate the kitchen)but i have to go to the bank today..i dnt knw why mom leaves all these stuff to me..she thinks im grown up alredi.. at least she cud
have left the car keys w/me but she didnt.. she thinks im still not a good driver! :( so i got to take the jeep..nways, got to rush
bank closes at 3pm..its 11 alredi!.. il write a very informative blog next tym! :)
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| something new |
| 02.14.04 (9:05 am) [edit] |
soundcheck: Stonefree-listen
it's good that valentine's is over!..whew!.. well, i didn't really get stuck in the haus the whole day (thank god for that!).. my sister had her prom so i had to go w/her to the hotel..after that i had dinner w/ my family (dad,mom &bro)..w/c ive been doing for years alredi..
nyhoo, i watched a tv program- "singles"..they had played a song for their prgram.. i got hooked..not w/ d prgram but with the song.. i dont knw if the band is new..but it was definitely new to me..the name of the band is stonefree.. i liked their song called LISTEN.. i did a little background chek i thought they were from the US or europe,fortunately they're not!..they are a local band from the university of the philippines..so i was kind of elated to learn that we have awesome pinoy talents..whoohooo!
![]() =http://www.idealminds.info/ne... width="100" height="50"
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| ??? |
| 02.11.04 (7:30 pm) [edit] |
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when's something's gotta give gonna be shown here in the philippines?..hrhrhrrh..im dyin to see it..i heard its a really nyc flick.
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| .. |
| 02.11.04 (10:35 am) [edit] |
![]() =http://img21.photobucket.com/... width=55 height=100
me
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| LOVE and let Live |
| 02.11.04 (9:36 am) [edit] |
for the guy who broke my heart!
i died. i died the day you left me, I've been buried w/ your love and feeding maggots with my brain. the chandelier in my tomb has stopped turning. i've turned off its lights because i got no use for it. i died the day you said goodbye.
i died the day you left me. I've been lying here in my coffin while death and decay have started feasting on me. i've been the perfect host for earthworms and ants and parasites of all sorts. And im lyk a cowardly dog that cant even scratch my icth.i feel nothing.
i died the day you walked away.
i died the day you left me. ive been hanging out on my own for a couple of months now. ive been killing time just as you killed me.
i died abd there aint no coming back. not until you resurrect me. you alone have the hands to pull me out of hell. you can charm the death stalker and breathe life into me again.
love and let me live again.
(-pdi,feb 11,2004 by:j.beltran)
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| strange |
| 02.09.04 (2:48 am) [edit] |
im depressed. i havent felt this way in ages. i dnt knw.
aside from the fact i am jobless, i am also officially single (for 3 months alredi)..
looking back i feel i havent been myself. u knw. im nt exactly like this.
im the type of person who strives to be on top of things and in control.
but i am not in control. i cant believe im stuck in this rut.
my routine (school, out of the question) is to get up at 9am, stare at myself in
the mirror,take meds, eat breakfast, open the ref, close the ref, open the ref
(it doesnt matter if it has food in it),close it agen, open my pc, connect to the
internet, disconnect, watch tv, take a bath, eat, watch tv,sleep, wake up, eat...
i consider watching tv a strenous activity..am i that pathetic?..
i still cant figure out why relationships dnt work for me. (romantic ones dat is)..
demmit..is something wrong with me?..
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| unknown |
| 02.08.04 (7:03 pm) [edit] |
I guess nobody ever does mean to fall in love.
But it happens, and love brands itself on your
brain. It's like a new street appearing
overnight in the city you've lived in your whole
life. The street is one way, you can't turn
around and get off it. And it curves up ahead so
that you can only see far enough to know that you
are veering into the unknown.
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| realities |
| 02.08.04 (8:24 am) [edit] |
Time changes us- we accept change.
But looking back, we learn much but find ourselves in
the same briar patch as before.
The closer we are, the more we pull away.
The farther we are, the more we hurt each other to
aid.
Caught in a never-ending perception-
Conception of learning, games of knowledge
acquisition…
Realities change and redefine-
We will survive you and I-
We will discover Reality and our love within it.
For didn’t we agree love was worth the pain, the
personal cuts we treasure?
Can you see a waterfall ahead on the path or is it
clear?
Would it make a difference- we’ve come through
stronger before.
I give you a moment of rest and peace, but neither of
us has it.
We shall see where the road ahead takes us as we
follow blindly.
--to my frnd who gave me this short poem.tnx.
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| valentine-ish issue |
| 02.07.04 (9:36 am) [edit] |
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valentine's day is just around the corner..i can't wait for it! (to end!!) hrhrhrhrhrhrhr!.. have you ever loved someone from afar?..or worse..someone just beside you but yet so distant?..*sigh*
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| being 20 and something |
| 02.06.04 (9:42 pm) [edit] |
They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is
when you stop going along with the crowd and
start realizing that there are many things about
yourself that you didn't know and may not like.
You start feeling insecure and wonder where you
will be in a year or two, but then get scared
because you barely know where you are now.
You start realizing that people are selfish and
that, maybe, those friends that you thought you
were so close to aren't exactly the greatest
people you have ever met, and the people you
have lost touch with are some
of the most important ones. What you don't
recognize is that they are realizing that too,
and aren't really cold catty, mean or insincere,
but that they are as confused as you.
You look at your job... and it is not even close
to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe
you are looking for a job and realizing that
you are going to have to start at the bottom and
that scares you.
Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what
others are doing and find yourself judging more
than usual because suddenly you realize that you
have certain boundaries in your life and are
constantly adding things to
your list of what is acceptable and what isn't.
One minute, you are
insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh
and cry with the greatest
force of your life. You feel alone and scared and
confused. Suddenly, change is the
enemy and you try and cling on to the past with
dear life, but soon realize
that the past is drifting further and further
away, and there is nothing to
do but stay where you are or move forward.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone
you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone
decent enough that you want to get to know
better. Or maybe you love
someone but love someone else too and cannot
figure out why you are
doing this because you know that you aren't a
bad person. One night stands
and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting
wasted and acting like an
idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through
the same emotions and
questions over and over, and talk with your
friends about the same
topics because you cannot seem to make a
decision. You worry about loans,
money, the future and making a life for
yourself... and while winning the
race would be great, right now you'd just like
to be a contender!
What you may not realize is that everyone
reading this relates to it.
We are in our best of times and our worst of
times, trying as hard as we
can to figure this whole thing out.
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| Falling in love |
| 02.05.04 (7:46 pm) [edit] |
Falling In Love
from the book "Letters to my Son"
by Kent Nerburn
It is a mystery why we fall in love.
It is a mystery how it happens. It is a mystery
when it comes.
It is a mystery why some love grows and it is a
mystery why some love fails.
You can analyze this mystery and look for reasons
and causes, but you will never do anymore than
take the life out of the experience.
Just as life itself is more than the sum of the
bones and muscles and electrical impulses in the
body, love is more than the sum of the interests
and attractions and commonalities that two people
share.
And just as life itself is a gift that comes and
goes in its own time, so too, the coming of love
must be taken as an unfathomable gift that cannot
be questioned in its ways.
Sometimes, hopefully at least once in your life -
the gift of love will come to you in full flower,
and you will take hold of it and celebrate it in
all inexpressible beauty.
This is the dream we all share.
More often, it will come and take hold of you,
celebrate you for a brief moment, then move on.
When this happens to young people, they too often
try to grasp the love and hold it to them,
refusing to see that it is a gift that is freely
given and a gift that just as freely, moves away.
When they fall out of love, or the person they
love feels the spirit of love leaving, they try
desperately to reclaim the love that is lost
rather than accepting the gift for what it was,
then moving on.
They want answers where there are no answers.
They want to know what is wrong in them that
makes the other person no longer love them, or
they try to get their lover to change, thinking
that if some small things were different, love
would bloom again.
They blame their circumstances and say that if
they go far away and start a new life together,
their love will grow.
They try anything to give meaning to what has
happened.
But there is no meaning beyond the love itself,
and until they accept its own mysterious ways,
they live in a sea of misery.
You need to know this about love, and to accept
it. You need to treat what it brings you with
kindness. If you find yourself in love with
someone who does not love you, be gentle with
yourself. There is nothing wrong with you.
Love just didn't choose to rest in the other
person's heart.
If you find someone else in love with you and you
don't love him, feel honored that love came and
called at your door, but gently refuse the gift
you cannot return.
Do not take advantage; do not cause pain.
How you deal with love is how you deal with you,
and all our hearts feel the same pains and joys,
even if our lives and ways are different.
If you fall in love with another, and he falls in
love with you,
and then love chooses to leave, do not try to
reclaim it or to assess blame.
Let it go.
There is a reason and there is a meaning.
You will know in time.
Remember that you don't choose love. Love chooses
you.
All you can really do is accept it for all its
mystery when it
comes into your life.
Feel the way it fills you to overflowing, then
reach out and give it away.
Give it back to the person who brought it alive
in you.
Give it to others who deem it poor in spirit.
Give it to the world around you in anyway you
can.
There is where many lovers go wrong.
Having been so long without love, they understand
love only as a need.
They see their hearts as empty places that will
be filled by love, and they begin to look at love
as something that flows to them rather than from
them.
The first blush of new love is filled to
overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert
to seeing their love as a need.
They cease to be someone who generates love and
instead become someone who seeks love.
They forget that the secret of love is that it is
a gift, and that it can be made to grow only by
giving it away.
Remember this, and keep it to your heart. Love
has its own time, its own seasons, and its own
reason for coming and going.
You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it
into staying.
You can only embrace it when it arrives and give
it away when it comes to you. But if it chooses
to leave from your heart or from the heart of
your lover, there is nothing you can do and there
is nothing you should do.
Love always has been and always will be a
mystery.
Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your
life.
IF YOU KEEP YOUR HEART OPEN IT WILL COME AGAIN.
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Talk to Me
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